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Hi Amanda! My wife gets shopping anxiety, and I would like to take her to a store where she can just put on a great pair of jeans that fit. She just recently outgrew her Levis Bold Curve Skinny Boot 34's which were her favorite pair, from my understanding that's the largest size they offer in-store? I don't want to take her to do their silly measurement song and dance just to have them tell her they don't carry her size. Do you have any good recommendations for in-store jeans shopping? Thanks!
What about a department store like Nordstrom or Macys?
I’d recommend Nordstrom first as they provide such amazing customer service. You of course might spend a little more than Levi’s prices - but they carry amazing brands like Kut from Kloth, James and NYDJ up to size 16 in their “straight size” section and have an amazing selection of plus size jeans in the same brands as well. Additionally they do on-site tailoring! I highly recommend them
Macys carries the levis plus size jeans in store - though in my experience they don’t have as great of customer service and sometimes the plus size section of macys can feel very removed and isolating. In addition, they also carry the Style &Co jeans which are a personal favorite of mine.
Please forgive my ignorance. I am a new fan to your blog. I LOVE your style and you have inspired me to be more adventurous with my style (Hello, Skinny Jeans!!!). I have noticed your tags on postings are "queer" and "femme". Is your partner S transgender? I feel ridiculous for asking. But I was curious if you identify as queer, even though your significant other is male.
Hi - glad to have inspired your style!!!
I am queer, as is my partner S!
As much as this blog is an intimate peek into my life, I feel odd telling S’s story here. I do let y’all have a look at the both of us sometimes and i’ll share our together stuff, but his background is his own to tell and since he’s not speaking, i don’t feel super comfortable talking too much more about his identity.
As a general statement, I would just like to say that if you ID as queer, you’re queer - regardless of the gender identity of your past/present/future partner(s).
I really love your blonde hair. I have dark brown/black hair, and want to go to light blonde, but I've never dyed it before. (I would go to a professional.) Do you have any tips?
I’m sure any professional will make sure you go slowly to blonde. It can take a few sessions to go light blonde. of course I recommend a purple toner, and using the blonding “purple” shampoo in between dye sessions.
bright blonde can be a lot of upkeep, but it’s worth it for me!
I was wondering if you knew of any other femme blogs here on tumblr that are good for someone who was only just introduced to being a femme to go to, or of any that are for being a femme (or just a fashion-loving person) on a budget?
Hi! 1. Your style is AWESOME! 2. What do you do when you're sick of everything you own/the silhouettes you've been defaulting to?
Hi and thanks!
Oh man that happens to me often enough. Mostly that I just get sick of everything I own. If I have a little money, that’s usually when I’ll go buy 1 new thing - sometimes thrifting helps with that.
I also do a lot of purging my closet and going to clothing exchanges, so often there is a lot of local trading happening.
While it is easy to default to silhouettes I’m used to - especially on days when I’m feeling sick of getting dressed from my closet - I find that I’ll have bursts of energy about my closet too and that’s when I’ll combine totally new looks or mix things in unexpected ways.
I also look at a lot of other blogs and polyvore for more inspiration! It always helps to see how other people are wearing things. Don’t you think?
gah. why must you be so impeccably stylish :O don't you ever slip up?
God yes I slip up constantly. I mean, I try to keep up appearances, but you’ll also find me in boxer shorts and a t-shirt walking my dogs. And I don’t find it always easy to look perfect at work (I’m still adjusting to business casual). Of course I only post photos of my really great outfits - though these are things I do wear in real life. I just wear them over and over again once I’ve figured out what looks great!
a tall, busty fat femme friend of mine, who ids as genderqueer, is super frustrated by the fact that, due to their voluminous breasts, they can't wear collared shirts, ties, vests &c. they've considered a binder but presume it'll be uncomfortable & sweaty. sometimes they want to present more masculine/less femme and their breasts are always getting in the way. any outfit suggestions for them to present more masculine without using a binder?
A lot of folks I know “bind” with sports bras - not sure if this person is against anything tight around their chest, but that is a way to get around using an actual binder. Additionally, wearing a tight undershirt can help flatten a little bit and provides some layered comfort.
I think looks that involve button-up shirts and vests or a blazer are another good way to push towards a more “masculine” look regardless of breasts or not.
Are you going to wear a formal wedding gown for your wedding?
Oh man, I haven’t even talked about my engagement/wedding here at all really have I? For my readers that don’t know - I got engaged to my partner S on my birthday this year. Our wedding (or civil union now - thanks illinois!) is in September of next year.
The plan as of now is that I am not wearing a traditional wedding gown for my wedding. Our wedding is next September, so I have a little time. I’m definitely not wearing white. My budget is small - so I’m probably going to get a pretty “black tie” sort of dress. My hope is that I can look like smoke - so something grayish and chiffony.
The biggest thing for me right now is finding the right venue. I feel like once that is done, all the other stuff will come into place. It’s going to be a big queer dance party with my family and friends and I’m excited about it!
Hi, I’ve recently fallen in like with forever 21 plus crazy bones leggings. When it comes to shoes and accessories, I already have an idea of what I’d pair them with but when it comes to a top my mind draws a blank, which is currently holding me back from buying them. I was wondering if you had any suggestions.
I’d probably pair them with a sheer white top, my new waxed denim moto jacket, creepers and some bold jewelry. Here’s a look!
Today I stopped by H&M to check out this Waxed Denim Jacket in their plus section that I really wanted for my upcoming trip. I was also excited to see if they had anything else that might be worth trying out. My clothing options for fall travel are feeling very limited after my big purge a few months ago.
I’m happy to report that the jacket is amazing and I got it in a size 18 (I find that with H&M I definitely need to size up on fitted items). I can’t wait to wear it EVERYWHERE this fall.
But I had a lot of feelings while I was shopping. There was so much cute stuff at H&M right now. They just released the Paris Show 2013 Collection and it’s beautiful - lots of delicate materials with pretty details. They had an amazing cream lace top shaped sort of like a sweatshirt that I was just lusting after. Just lots of pretty things that I really would love to wear for fall.
I already know that H&M doesn’t carry my size, but they used to carry up to a size 16 in their straight size line. Not anymore. The largest size in any of their clothes is a US 12. TWELVE. And on top of that, a ton of the clothes I was looking at were only in quantities in sizes 4-8.
This isn’t news. I shouldn’t get upset over these things, but I can’t help it sometimes - I just start to feel sad and angry that despite everything, trendy plus size fashion is still SO HARD to find.
Perhaps I’m just out of sorts - I know a lot of my fellow plus size bloggers are at #NYFW right now and they all seem to be having an amazing time. I’m happy for them. But I also know that for all of us, plus size fashion is still a struggle and we all are fighting to remind people that fat people exist and that we deserve to look adorable. I mean, how hard is that?
By the way u need to change ur tagline to thick femme cause ur not fat anymore
The words we use are incredibly important. I know this. Thick, curvy, voluptuous, rubenesque…these are all terms that our society uses for FAT because people are uncomfortable with that word. So using the word “thick” doesn’t change the fact that I am fat. I wear plus size clothes (my pants size ranges from 16-20). If we’re going by BMI standards (which we shouldn’t) I’m obese (cue the faux horror).
I fully recognize that I’m on the smaller side of fat and that being on the smaller side of fat means that I have a bit of privilege and more clothing options. But that doesn’t make me not fat. I’m 220 pounds. I’ve been 50 pounds more, I’ve been 50 pounds less in my adult life. That’s just how my body rolls. hah. rolls. I’ve got them. no really I do. and I love them. But just because some of my photos and clothes don’t show off every curve and roll doesn’t mean they’re not there. My chunk. My fat. My body and the space it takes up are still here.
So while I do appreciate your desire for different language, I will still continue to use the word fat to describe myself. Policing people’s language, especially regarding their bodies is a complicated game. I also appreciate the opportunity to discuss it and the fact that I am the size I am now - I have avoided talking about the fact that I did get really sick last year and did lose some weight, but I honestly didn’t think it would be an issue for my readers since 1) I’m still fat 2) I still wear plus size clothes 3) I’m still am a huge advocate for body positivity and HAES
While I love to discuss fashion and clothing - sometimes it’s important to dig a little deeper. We need to critique and explore why fat fashion is important - and why diversity in fashion is critical. I touched on this briefly last year when I posted about queer fashion and how androgyny in queer fashion is often skewed to masculine clothing (femmes are rarely read as androgynous - which is a serious misinterpretation in my opinion).
Recently a reader asked me - if fat people push themselves into the public eye, are we alienating ourselves by giving people a chance to notice we are different. She said, “Im not saying we should be quiet or non existent, but should we not just BE?”
JUST BE. This statement gave me pause. For how many years did I try to hide my fatness? How long did I attempt to go unnoticed by the general public. The problem is, you cannot hide fat. Fat people are noticed and scrutinized constantly. It’s not as if we are invisible. But have we been treated humanely? We live in a society that does not respect fat bodies. They want us to be invisible but we are not.
Fat bloggers are displaying ourselves in fatkinis, we’re posting photos of plus size clothing worn in fashionable ways and we are demanding to accepted. My fat body is here as a reminder that all of us deserve respect and great fashion. To Just Be a fat person is itself a political act - you don’t have to be posing in a dress on a blog to make waves.
And speaking of political acts and fat bodies, I highly recommend you read these much deeper posts by my friends…
Let’s Talk Fatkinis by Erin at Zero Style - in where she delves into the etymology of the word fatkini and what it means to be fat and show fat